"Venting anger may serve to maintain the old patterns in a relationship, thus ensuring that change does not occur." Author: Harriet Goldhar Lerner
This is a recuring theme that Risa sees very often with her clients and is worth some further explanation.
Many people are very fearful of going to these scary underlying emotions because of the emotional pain they feel it will cause to dredge up past hurts. So, as Ms. Lerner aptly points out, anger is used as a defense against facing oneself and others because of the fear of change within ourselves and within our relationships.
It is only through facing our fears of exposing our underlying emotions that will ultimately give us peace of mind. When we stop wrestling with our emotional baggage in our minds, we stop wrestling with ourselves and others.
Anger is a secondary emotion. It is secondary to another emotion that is fuelling the anger. Once that underlying emotion is examined and processed thoroughly, the anger evaporates, giving way to great self-awareness for us.